Part 3 

Dealing with terminal brian cancer

My bad news

The title of this post is “My bad new”.

It more to do with how this bad news was delivered, that I would like to share with you.

Being told I have secondary brain cancer on Saturday, 1 June 2013 in Hairymres in East Kilbride. I was told by a young female doctor.

Prior to the arrival of the doctor coming to up-date us on the results of the CT scan. I told my big man – Jim, if this doctor tells us bad news don’t break down in front of a stranger – we will deal with it, when they leave.

So, the female doctor and staff nurse comes into the room, heads down to update me on the CT scan results.

Well, I worked it out in seconds – simply by their body language – the news was bad. But how bad was the news going to be?

I had Brian Mets, which are legions (cancer) on the brain. My legions are wide spread around my brain – I have 10 legions on my brain.

Being ignorance I asked the doctor “can we operate on the tumor”. It’s not a tumor (one lump) its lots of lumps around my whole brain.So therefore, no operation can be done on the mets – its terminal cancer.

Then, Jim and I are told after its terminal cancer, we need to expect the following symptoms:

1.    Seizures

2.   Severe mood swings.

(My Big man laughed into himself and thought - “nothing new to me -my wife can swing moods in seconds and I love her fight/argument that follows). Lol

3.  L ost of co-ordination,, light headiness

4.   memory loss

5.   Can’t drive a car – ever again.

This negative information was given in just one breathe. So after dealing with this negative news, I asked if there is any positives information. Nothing,

I asked young doctor death “well, is that all – away you go?” Oh the surprise on her face!!

I think she expected to me to be wailing and screaming and to sedate me – not a chance – being Irish I took this news with dignity and strength of character – doctors don’t know everything.

I then proceed to sign myself out of hospital – couldn’t stand being in a ward looking at old sick people trying to jump out of beds. I was totally stress the night before watching then – any minute one of these old women are going to break their hip. Run away from sick people!! lol.

After I dismissed the doctor death – I felt good.

After the doctor left with her sidekick nurse - Jim and I just looked at each other and hugged. No tears just held each other.

The next stage for anyone who receives terminal news, is how do I cope?.

For me, is my wee girls!

What way is forward?         
 Acceptance and then come peacefulness and then positivity – that’s how I am going forward with my lovely wee family

So the first 2 weeks in June - I gave myself just 2 weeks, to get my affairs into order.

1.    WILL - Draw up a new will.

2.   KIDS -Who would look after my children in case Jim’s died?

3.   LAST RITES – received this sacrament from Father Ness – quite peaceful and comforting and not     frightening,

4.   CONFESSION – received the sacrament of reconciliation – delighted I took the step forward to confess my sins because it was 27 years since my last confession.

5.   PHOTOS - Started to get photos ready – to put pictures into collates for family. A professional photography (Gayle Cook) came to the house and took a collected of family photo’s free of charge – a special gift, that we could never afford to do – ever.

6.   HEAD STONE – I have designed my own head stone – quite a funny description on the head stone – you have to wait and see.

7.   CEMENTRY – I made a massive decisions to get bury in Belfast – irrelevant of Jim’s opinion. Now Jim wants to get buried on top – that leave one space for my twin sister Roisin. Then Jim says “I don’t want to be in the middle – I will end up poking your twin loll.

8.   HOSPICE – I have left instructions with the MacMillan nurse – that in case of the worse – don’t’ not resuscitate if my quality of life is so poor.

Jim and I have agreed everything, so I feel totally organized that I have got everything in place.