My drug taking = steroids

What a journey – taking steroids. I was given steroids on the 1^st June – the day I was diagnose with brain cancer.

I never realise the side effects that I would go through:

1.    Weight gain: I put on over a stone in weight and I spend months trying to lose that stone.  The old saying is  “a minute of the lips and years on the belly”

2.   Puffiness: OMG look at my face – I look like a hamster. How can I ever leave the house??? Just don’t look at a mirror before you go out – or you will never go out. Lol

3.   Stretch marks: One day during my tour of Ireland – I woke up with my stomach swollen (the size of a 7 month pregnant women). I was convinced that I was pregnant – I made the Big man go to the chemist and get me a pregnant test. But the best thing is- I hadn’t had sex in months – I really thought it was an immaculate conception = no joking. Took the test in my tent – it was negative.

4.   Euphoric: I felt I could do anything – my family and friends were worried. I wanted to buy everything new for the house. My poor husband was pulling his hair out. I didn’t think anything could touch me – it was like, if I wanted it I got it.

5.   Mobility: My mobility has been reduced dramatically; I have to link my husband arm whilst walking. If I am doing shopping I hold onto the trolley for support or (I sit in it = it’s a bit sore on my arse) if I was in the town centre – I hold unto Orlaith pram for support, even though Orlaith is in nursery lol.

I am now getting rails installed in my staircase, my bathroom - because I can't no longer able get out of the bath on my own - the big man has to help me. Now told my the big man - just have a shower love.

6.   Sleep problems: One minute I am wake in the car, next I am snorting – then I would wake up ten minutes later and then its starts all over again.

7.   Depression: recently I started to wake up at 3 o clock in the morning and then I found it difficult to get back to sleep. I also started avoiding my mates and neighbours (avoiding people) and having no interests in my wee blog – so I have forced myself to update my wee journey.

Telling anyone you have depression is an extremely hard thing to do because depression has a stigma of the person being weak and I am certainly not weak.

So, the moral of steriods – do not take them – they have totally ruined my good looks and figure.

Part 3 

Dealing with terminal brian cancer

My bad news

The title of this post is “My bad new”.

It more to do with how this bad news was delivered, that I would like to share with you.

Being told I have secondary brain cancer on Saturday, 1 June 2013 in Hairymres in East Kilbride. I was told by a young female doctor.

Prior to the arrival of the doctor coming to up-date us on the results of the CT scan. I told my big man – Jim, if this doctor tells us bad news don’t break down in front of a stranger – we will deal with it, when they leave.

So, the female doctor and staff nurse comes into the room, heads down to update me on the CT scan results.

Well, I worked it out in seconds – simply by their body language – the news was bad. But how bad was the news going to be?

I had Brian Mets, which are legions (cancer) on the brain. My legions are wide spread around my brain – I have 10 legions on my brain.

Being ignorance I asked the doctor “can we operate on the tumor”. It’s not a tumor (one lump) its lots of lumps around my whole brain.So therefore, no operation can be done on the mets – its terminal cancer.

Then, Jim and I are told after its terminal cancer, we need to expect the following symptoms:

1.    Seizures

2.   Severe mood swings.

(My Big man laughed into himself and thought - “nothing new to me -my wife can swing moods in seconds and I love her fight/argument that follows). Lol

3.  L ost of co-ordination,, light headiness

4.   memory loss

5.   Can’t drive a car – ever again.

This negative information was given in just one breathe. So after dealing with this negative news, I asked if there is any positives information. Nothing,

I asked young doctor death “well, is that all – away you go?” Oh the surprise on her face!!

I think she expected to me to be wailing and screaming and to sedate me – not a chance – being Irish I took this news with dignity and strength of character – doctors don’t know everything.

I then proceed to sign myself out of hospital – couldn’t stand being in a ward looking at old sick people trying to jump out of beds. I was totally stress the night before watching then – any minute one of these old women are going to break their hip. Run away from sick people!! lol.

After I dismissed the doctor death – I felt good.

After the doctor left with her sidekick nurse - Jim and I just looked at each other and hugged. No tears just held each other.

The next stage for anyone who receives terminal news, is how do I cope?.

For me, is my wee girls!

What way is forward?         
 Acceptance and then come peacefulness and then positivity – that’s how I am going forward with my lovely wee family

So the first 2 weeks in June - I gave myself just 2 weeks, to get my affairs into order.

1.    WILL - Draw up a new will.

2.   KIDS -Who would look after my children in case Jim’s died?

3.   LAST RITES – received this sacrament from Father Ness – quite peaceful and comforting and not     frightening,

4.   CONFESSION – received the sacrament of reconciliation – delighted I took the step forward to confess my sins because it was 27 years since my last confession.

5.   PHOTOS - Started to get photos ready – to put pictures into collates for family. A professional photography (Gayle Cook) came to the house and took a collected of family photo’s free of charge – a special gift, that we could never afford to do – ever.

6.   HEAD STONE – I have designed my own head stone – quite a funny description on the head stone – you have to wait and see.

7.   CEMENTRY – I made a massive decisions to get bury in Belfast – irrelevant of Jim’s opinion. Now Jim wants to get buried on top – that leave one space for my twin sister Roisin. Then Jim says “I don’t want to be in the middle – I will end up poking your twin loll.

8.   HOSPICE – I have left instructions with the MacMillan nurse – that in case of the worse – don’t’ not resuscitate if my quality of life is so poor.

Jim and I have agreed everything, so I feel totally organized that I have got everything in place.